Study: If You Want Good Orgasms Become a Lesbian

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Wives: dissatisfied with your husband's performance in bed? Worried that even with the advent of cheap Viagra you're never going to get the full orgasmic satisfaction you know you deserve?

Depressed that, for all the uptown apartment, the beachside villa, the Filipino housekeeper, the personal-trainer-cum-masseur Mario, the Porsche Cayenne, the long days at the tennis club with the girls, the spa breaks in Bora-Bora and the skiing breaks in Aspen and Gstaad, you're still not getting all you hoped for when you decided to tie the knot with your useless wage slave of a pointless man-creature?

Then the Guardian has some good news for you: the solution is at hand. No, not the wurst-shaped behemoth in the drawer next to your bed - something even better, even more devastatingly effective. What you need is to ditch the male appendage and become a lesbian. Only then will you discover the true meaning of orgasms.

As former professional dominatrix Nichi Hodgson explains, when it comes to orgasms, useless, penis-burdened males simply can't cut it.

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